Weight Loss Humor To Light Up Your Day

The older you get, the tougher to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I gave up jogging for health reasons. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pants on fire.

If you want to look young - hang around with old fat people.

It's called DIET because all other 4 letter words were taken.

Some people are afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.

My body is a temple with ample parking in the rear.

The most fattening thing you put in an apple pie is a spoon.

There is nothing lite about cellulite.

A middle age spread is the result of too many times around the table.

I'm not overweight, I'm undertall.

I've been on a diet for two weeks. So far I have lost fourteen days.

I'm not fat! I'm fluffy!

Weight-loss advice. Let's keep it simple.....just eat the things you don't like.

Dieters Prayer......As I wake up from sleepI pray my diet I may keepBut if temptations make me slipI pray the Lord my pants won't rip

Weight Watchers Leaders use humor to grab people's attention. Here are some of the humor quips they have used:

"As I get older, my age and my weight became the same number - 32, 34, 36......"

"I can arrive at a wedding a size 12 and leave a size 14. I've had to undo my bra to keep eating!"

"My husband is on the military diet - Captain Crunch and Colonel Sanders."

"Fatty foods give me amnesia. I remember the to count salad but forget the cheesecake."


Source: humor-laughter

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Weight Loss Cartoon

Source: johnisfit

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Why People Gain Weight?

Source: cartoonstock

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Weight Loss Plan Ideas

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Weight Loss "Faux Pas"

Source: everydaypeoplecartoons

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10 Ways To Lie To The Bathroom Scale

1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner... as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.

2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.

4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off...to your advantage.

5. Always go to the bathroom first.

6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.

7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.

8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).

9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).

10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.

Source: minniepauz

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Weight Loss Humor

 

Source: feelingslimmer.com

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How is Your Weight Loss Journey?

Source: 70pounds.com

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Weight Loss Plan

Source: glasbergen

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How Aneroxics See Themselves

Source: dietdon

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Weight Loss Temptation

Source: everydaypeoplecartoons

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Lose Fat: How To Lose Stubborn Fat With Lympatic Drainage Method

Lymphatic massage. Image from spandinavia

You have had exercise all weeks to lose weight, lose fat but nothing more disappointing than to see no serious result in your hard work and effort. The truth we don't want to hear is: there is no overnight miracle to lose fat.

You didn't gain the weight overnight, hence you are not going to lose it overnight.

Many people have successfully lose fat by exercise. But if you have being fat or overweight for ages, it must be very difficult to lose stubborn fat through controlled diet and exercise alone.

If the effort to lose fat effort going too slow for you, you may want to try lymphatic drainage to aids your effort to lose fat. For those who have no idea about what lymphatic drainage is all about, The Good Spa Guide has an interesting and informative details about it.

What is lymphatic drainage?

Lymphatic drainage massage is a therapeutic massage treatment. The massage uses very light pressure and long, gentle, rhythmic strokes to increase lymphatic flow, with the aim of getting rid of toxins in your body.

So, what is lymph?

The lymph system is part of your body's immune system; lymph helps fight infection and acts as a toxin filter. There are around twice as many lymph vessels as blood vessels in your body. However, unlike blood, which is pumped around your body by your heart, the lymph system has no pump. Lymph relies on the pressure from your blood vessels and movement from your muscles to carry white blood cells and antibodies around the lymph system.

Lymph itself is a clear, slightly yellow fluid which flows easily through your body. It transports nutrients and oxygen to cells, collecting toxins on the way and then flushing the toxins out through the lymph nodes.

How lymphatic drainage can boost weight loss?

Improving the lymphatic system will improve your metabolic rate. So it helps you burn calories more efficiently. Though lymphatic drainage does not remove body fat permanently you still lose weight in temporary basis. But the body weight you lose is mostly water weight as lymphatic drainage act as a diuretic to get rid of excess body fluids. When combine with sensible diet and increased physical activity, you can produces significant weight loss.

Lymphatic drainage machine

Where to get lymphatic drainage?

Most spa offers lymphatic drainage treatment. If you know a good therapists in your area, it is also a good idea to request her to come over to your house at your own selected times. Drink plenty of water before the session in order to help your body to flush out the toxins from your body.

If you can afford, LifeSpan Fitness VP-1000 Vibration Plate is a wise health investment. Just step on it and let the machine works to drain your lymphatic system and lose fat.

Watch Video below to see how it works:

An award winning fitness equipment: LifeSpan Fitness VP-1000 Vibration Plate (Click here)

Find out which A-list celebrity and supermodel that use Vibration Plate to stay in shape.

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Butter or Margarine - Which One Is Better?

Image from Jacketflap

Butter is normally more expensive than margarine. People sometimes substitute butter for margarine and vice versa because this two product have the same relative makeup of fat and water which is fine with the exchange. Apart from the price factor as a comparison, cholesterol issue is another consideration when deciding which one is better - butter or margarine?

There is a myth about eating margarine instead of butter will keep your cholesterol down. To determine which one is better for heart health, Dr. Wilson discuss about the fat content and origin of both butter and margarine.

MARGARINE

To make margarine, the oil must be hardened.
This is done by bubbling hydrogen through the vegetable oil at high temperature. The hydrogen saturates some of the carbon-carbon bonds of the oil. The product then becomes hard or solid at room temperature.

When the carbon bonds are saturated, the product is called a saturated fat. Margarine contains some saturated fat. Otherwise it would not be hard at room temperature.

The final product also usually contains some trans-fatty acids, nickel, cadmium and often other very toxic contaminants. Margarine also contains artificial or natural coloring agents, or it would look like bicycle grease.

Research shows that trans-fatty acids increase inflammation in the body. This can worsen illnesses such as colitis and arthritis. Very recent research indicates that trans-fatty acids in margarine raise LDL levels. LDL is the "bad" cholesterol.

Nickel is an extremely toxic chemical that in excess causes lung cancer, kidney disease, depression and more.

BUTTER

Butter is made from the cream that rises to the top if milk is allowed to sit for a time. Butter is made by churning cream. This causes a chemical reaction that causes the cream to harden slightly, giving it the buttery consistency.

Butter is an excellent source of fat-soluble vitamins such as vitamin A, D, E and K. These are not found to any degree in margarine. The vitamin content of butter varies seasonally, depending on the diet of the animals from which it is derived.

Butter does not contain trans-fatty acids or toxic metals, hopefully, such as nickel and cadmium. Butter contains some milk solids, giving it a whitish color. Ghee or clarified butter does not contain the milk solids.

Dr. Weston Price in his book Nutrition and Physical Degeneration identified a factor in butter that is essential for proper growth and development of the bone structure. He was able to reverse severe tooth decay in children by feeding them one meal a day of highly nutritious food - including butter.

Butter is almost a pure fat, and does not contain many of the allergens found in other milk products. For example, it does not contain milk protein (casein) or milk sugar (lactose), which are two highly allergenic components of some dairy products.

Cartoon from cartoonstock

Butter or Margarine?

Saturated fat and trans fat in both margarine and butter can raise total cholesterol and LDL cholesterol. It is always best to consume these product in moderation. Margarine maybe less expensive than butter,but it is often contains poor-quality, refined, artificially saturated vegetable oil, harmful trans-fatty acids, residues of toxic metals and does not contain many nutrients at all.

By contrast, butter is a natural food and one of the best sources of important fat-soluble vitamins. You may have to pay more for butter, but it's worth it for its nutritionally. 

Source: Dr.Wilson

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The Master Cleanse: 6 Quick Guide To Breaking a Master Cleanse Diet Safely

Beyonce made Master Cleanse diet popular. The diet then nicknamed after her name.

Master cleanse became extremely popular after Beyonce promoted the diet in Oprah Winfrey shows in 2006. She dramatically lost 20 kg in 10 days with master cleanse. As a matter of fact, Master Cleanse also known as lemonade diet isn't new. This detox regimen was developed in 1940 by Stanley Burroughs who then published The Master Cleanser, first distributed in the 1950s. Beyonce diet is a nickname for the Master Cleanse diet after Beyonce made it popular.

Master Cleanse is basically a liquid diet used for detox and weight loss. No foods during the program. You just drink lemon juice which mixed with maple syrup and cayenne pepper the whole day for 10 days, and nothing else! Naomi Campbell is another celebrity swear by Master Cleanse to attain her stunning figure. 

Naomi Campbell remarks on Maple Syrup Diet: 
It's good just to clean out your body once in a while.' 

Master Cleanse may sound appealing for a drastic weight loss. For me it's actually a great kick start to break bad eating habits and start eating healthy. Stopping the master cleanse properly is highly important. A sudden overload to the digestive system after a long inactivity may acute attacks. This is a quick guide from Freedom You to help you adjust yourself, especially to your organ to return to normal activity gradually after Master Cleanse program ended.

Six Quick Guide to Breaking a Master Cleanse Diet

1. Increase the amount of raw fruits and vegetables in your diet. 

Taking raw fruits and vegetables for the first five or six days will allow the body to gently wake up the digestive system. To break a fast and gorge on meat, bread or junk food will be disaster.

2. Eat slowly and chew your food well. 

Saliva has enzymes that assist in digestion.

3. Do not overeat! 

Discover the amount of food that your body needs to live a vibrant, healthy life.

4. Make juices during the breaking period. 

Juices are gentle nourishment to the body. Most continue to include juice in their daily routine, for the rest of their lives.

5.  Educate yourself on how to begin a lifestyle of healthy eating. 

Fasting is a wonderful new beginning, a foundation for a lifelong, healthy diet.

6. Never feed your emotions. 

Discern the difference between cravings and hunger.

Final thought
Master cleanse is not for everyone. I've tried it but only survived for 2 days. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher add to the growing list of celebrities who have also tried the infamous Master Cleanse. But they both quit before the 10 days period is over. This diet plan can be quite a battle of willpower, I know.

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher do Master Cleanse but they failed to complete it to 10 days

 Has anybody tried the Master Cleanse? 

How did you feel before, during, and after the cleanse?

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